Ever heard yourself say, “She/He triggered me!”
Those were the exact words podcast host Julie Fairfurst said to me when I joined her show to talk about transforming conflict.
We were deep into a real, honest conversation about how hard it can be to stay grounded when someone pushes your buttons.
In her case, the “someone” was a neighbor she couldn’t seem to get along with.
“I realized,” she said, “that every time she started on something, I just backed away. I didn’t want to deal with it. I thought there was no point.”
Sound familiar?
For many of us—especially women—conflict feels dangerous. We’ve been taught to avoid it, smooth it over, or work around it. We’re afraid of being seen as too emotional, too aggressive, too much. So we either lash out—or disappear.
But here’s what I know:
Conflict doesn’t mean something’s wrong. It means something’s ready to be seen.
Julie’s moment of awareness—when she said, “She triggered me”—wasn’t a problem. It was an invitation.
Because every conflict gives us a choice:
- Will I react from old unconscious patterns?
- Or will I pause and get aware?
Julie admitted she often feels embarrassed and ashamed when she gets triggered. Like many of us women, she’s internalized the message that conflict is bad and her reactivity is something to be ashamed of.
But as we kept talking, she had a powerful realization:
“I’ve always thought I had to hold it all together. But what I actually need is permission to be human.”
Yup. That is it right there.
Permission to be human.
To feel what you feel. To stop abandoning yourself to avoid rocking the boat.
To BE.
In relationships—whether it’s your partner, a friend, a family member, or a difficult neighbor—conflict is a mirror. It shows you where you’ve been hurt, where you’re protecting, where you’re still holding on.
And it invites you to heal.
That healing starts with awareness. Not judgment. Not blame.
Just the willingness to pause and get curious.
The next time you find yourself triggered, backed into a corner, or secretly resenting someone you love, try asking yourself:
What part of me is hurting right now?
What story am I telling myself about what this means?
And what would it look like to stay connected to myself in this moment?
You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to avoid conflict.
You just have to stay open—and willing to grow.
That’s what Julie discovered.
And that’s what I want for you, too.
Want to go even deeper?
I’m hosting a FREE live conversation with my husband Kim where we’ll show you how we move through conflict in real life, using the exact tools I teach in my workshops.