What happens when we parent like we garden?

August 8, 2021

Do you trust all that is occurring with your kids no matter what?

My garden is in its 7th year and I am in LOVE. It brings me so much joy. And it’s taken a lot of time, attention, care and weed pulling to get it to “thriving”. 

When I garden, I plant a seed in the best conditions I can, make sure it is getting the right amount of sun/shade, tend to it with water, and I walk away trusting it will grow just as it should. I know that tiny seed has everything it needs to grow into whatever it is supposed to be. I completely trust it.

And I have a confession to make. While I believe the same theory of gardening applies to parenting, I haven’t always parented my 3 kids with that same level of trust. Over the last 23 years, I have meddled, worried, interfered, and tried many tactics in an attempt to control the outcome to make sure they are healthy, happy and successful human beings.

I was missing a key parenting ingredient, TRUST.  

I often lost trust when the shit hit the fan, or when there was an obstacle or “perceived” problem. I abandoned my gardening philosophy of trust for resistance, fear and control. 

The truth is I had no idea that my divorce would be a gift for my youngest, or my daughter’s loss of her best friend in middle school would be the absolute best thing that happened to her, or my son’s decision to not go back to school after his freshman year at college was perfect.

In the moment these situations were occurring all I could see were the “problems” because I was in fear and trying to control my kids’ experience. I wanted them to be happy and I hated to watch their suffering.

What I have learned is that these experiences are the magic ingredients each one of them needed to grow, expand, and evolve into who they are today. Each struggle was a precious assignment from the universe to teach them (and me) what they needed to learn. Just like in school, where we scaffold learning – the universe is ALWAYS providing us with exactly what we each need to move to the next level.

Whether we learn the lesson or not, is on us to learn.

As parents if we get in the way of our kids’ lessons, we interfere with their natural evolution and growth. We rob them of their learning. Staying present to our own experience and getting out of the way is the key to trusting ALL that is occurring and allowing it fearlessly, even when we don’t like it or believe it is bad or wrong.  I would say especially when we believe it is bad or wrong!

After years of lessons from my kids, I can honestly say that I am truly learning to let go and trust whatever is occurring EVEN when I don’t like it.

That does not mean I LOVE it or even like it.  What it means is that I have come to see it all as perfect in the garden of their life experience. I can see how everything is here FOR them (and me) and how they are here to teach me to TRUST all of life.

I never doubted we would get there with our garden and I expected we would have to make adjustments along the way as we learned and conditions changed.. Never once did I judge the garden for being wrong, bad or having a “problem”, even when the grass didn’t grow or the boxwoods failed to thrive or the alyssum didn’t flower. I watched what worked and what didn’t, pulled the weeds when they arrived and continued to nurture what was thriving.

What I know to be true about parenting is that our kids come to us just the same, complete with everything they need to evolve into exactly who they are meant to be, full of the lessons they need to realize their full potential. My only job is to pull my own weeds of fear and get out of the way so they can thrive.

And, yes you’ve guessed what I am going to say next. It ALL starts with awareness. The more aware I have become of how my FEARS interfere with my kids’ evolution the easier it has become to let go. When I turn my attention inward, I get to learn more about myself and my fears and set them free to do the same.

And I want the same for you and your kids. 

Awareness is an inside job and no matter how old your kids are it is the key to parenting from unconditional love. Join me this month and set an intention to cultivate your awareness. Catch yourself parenting from fear. Your body will tell you! Practice daily with my check in meditation to support you in building your awareness and learn to let go and trust so you and your kids can be free.

in trust and gratitude,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher

PS: Know a young person launching in life? I will be restarting my Launch & Life groups this fall. I have a few open spots. Email me at annmarie@bringithome.me to get on the list.