Are you brave enough to cry in front of your kids?

September 5, 2021

Saying goodbye is never easy however she has been getting me ready since she was three. 

The first day of preschool she bounded up the stairs into my room in her favorite outfit exclaiming “look mommy!”  She was adorable. She has always had a sense for fashion – and things have not changed much since!

It takes courage to send your kids off to school no matter what their age or stage of life. I’ve been doing it for 20 years now and each year I am met with the combo deal. Equal parts excitement, fear and sadness. 

This year was the hardest one I recall.  My ‘little girl’ (now 20) was headed back off to college for what felt like the first time even though she was entering her junior year. And this time she asked me NOT to come with. 🙁 

The week before she left for school, I found  myself nesting and organizing my kitchen cabinets. I’m pretty sure I did the same thing the week before she was born.😉  I needed a few more containers so Alyssa and I popped in the car to run to the container store, again.  She loves running errands with me.

Out of nowhere, as we unpacked the car, I found myself weeping realizing this was likely our last errand together for a long time. 

I grew up in the ‘don’t let them see you’ era..

“Don’t let them see you cry, be angry, be afraid, argue, or FEEL just about anything.” ‘Be strong’ was the theme. Showing one’s emotions, particularly when they were “negative”  (fear, anger, & sadness) were to be felt and seen behind closed doors or preferably not at all.

For the past 30 years I’ve been practicing undoing what I learned when I was little, well, at least the things that don’t really serve me anymore, and trying on something new. 

When I realized the sadness wave was coming over me unexpectedly as we unpacked the car, I paused, took a deep breath and allowed myself to FEEL it, rather than try to conceal it. In about 3 seconds, my tears began to flow, right there in the garage with my new lazy susan over my shoulder. She looked over at me and knew exactly what was going on. After a long silent hug, I told her I was really going to miss running errands with her and we headed upstairs to unpack the bags.

Are you brave enough to feel your feelings in front of your kids?  All of them?

As adults, when we allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling when we are feeling it, we are modeling an important lifelong skill for our kids, planting seeds of awareness and most of all, showing them what it looks like to have courage.

While it was just a brief moment in time it was a significant one for both of us. I felt proud of myself for letting myself feel my sadness, rather than resist it and model for her that it is ok to let those feelings out when they arise. These small moments plant seeds for future moments and I want her to see that it is safe to feel your feelings, and express them so she can be free to do the same as she navigates life on her own. I know as she heads off to college she is going to be navigating a lot and while I can’t always be there, I hope she is learning to step into life with a small dose of awareness alongside a big dose of courage.

My greatest hope is that I send her off to school with more than the best tools for her classes, but the lifelong tools she needs for living her authentic life. I truly trust the rest will fall into place as it should.

Knowing what you’re feeling when you’re feeling it takes awareness- and practice. My FREE check in mediation can support you in building your awareness moment by moment. Check it out and let me know what you think.

with gratitude and an open heart,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher

PS: Going back to school can bring up scary feelings no matter what your age! For parents and educators of little ones, join me and Little Seeds Journey on Instagram this month to cultivate seeds of courage at home and in the classroom.