Twenty two years ago, my daughter came into this world hot.
Crying twelve hours a day. Testing every limit I had. Turning our already unpredictable home completely upside down.
I was a single mom with two toddlers. I was barely holding it together.
And she brought me to my knees every damn day.
I was drained, exhausted, and depleted.
I had no idea how to handle her tantrums. Her outbursts. Her intensity.
She tested me. She pushed me. She brought me to my absolute edge.
Until everything crystallized in one moment.
She was just seven years old.
We were in the kitchen.
It started with an apple.
And in that moment, without knowing it yet, everything began to change.
I finally began to see more clearly.
I was trying to control her.
But actually, I was desperately trying to control myself.
Truth be told. Her outbursts scared me. I felt completely helpless.
And from that place of fear and helplessness, the only thing I could do was try to make them stop — make her stop — so I could feel in control.
And it never worked. Not once.
Because when fear runs the show, conflict, drama, and disconnection are all that’s available.
There’s no connection from that place. Not to others.
And more importantly, not to yourself.
No access to your authentic power. To Love.
Today I can look back over the last twenty two years of mothering, the moments I’m not proud of, the conflict, the arguments that went sideways, and see that fear and control were always at the root.
Fear disguised as love.
Control disguised as “I just want what’s best for you.”
And here’s what I know now that I didn’t know then:
When fear is running the show, conflict is inevitable.
You can’t access patience from fear.
You can’t access wisdom from fear.
You can’t access authentic love from fear.
The moment I started to see my fear, to actually meet it instead of act from it, everything began to shift.
Because awareness is the key to transformation.
So tell me.
Do you ever find yourself in conflict with the people you love most?
If so, it might be worth asking:
What role is fear playing here?
Because chances are, it’s not really about the apple.
If you want to feel more empowered in the face of conflict, awareness is where it begins.
I created a free 3-minute quiz — What’s keeping you stuck in conflict— to help you recognize the hidden role fear may be playing in how you show up with the people you love most.
In love,
Annmarie
PS: If you’re new here, Welcome! Thanks for reading. Hit reply and lmk your biggest relationship struggle. I want to know you 🙂
PPS: This story — the kitchen, the apple, the moment everything cracked open — is one I first shared in my chapter in #1 International bestseller, Perfectly Imperfect Families. It’s where it all began for me. If you’re curious, it’s worth a read.