Why It’s Important to Embrace Your Judgments

April 14, 2024

You know the saying: Keep your friends close and enemies closer…

The same is true about your harshest inner critic;  that little voice inside your head that throws shade at you and others all day. 

I have not met one human being on this planet yet who does not have an inner critic, a voice in their head that judges themselves or another.

But here’s the truth: that inner critic is not your enemy; rather, it is likely a dear friend. And I really want you to LOVE your inner critic. I want you to become best friends with your judge. 

Hang in there with me! Hear me out.

Here’s why:

Your Inner Critic is here to keep you feeling safe.

While your inner critic may FEEL unfriendly and even downright mean, it truly is here to protect you, guide you, and keep you safe, by helping you to discern if a person, situation or circumstance is best for you. 

In fact, your inner critic can often reveal areas where you are in a state of fear and scarcity. 

Loving and nurturing those parts of yourself, are actually the path to transformation, personal growth and expansion.

The bad news is that you haven’t been taught how to work with this voice. So in response, you likely justify the inner critic’s belief by firmly agreeing with it, ignoring it, compensating for it by trying to be extra nice or even suppressing it. 

Welcoming Your Inner Critic

But what if you welcomed your inner judge or critic persona? What if you allowed that voice to be fully expressed (even if just in your journal or your mind)? 

I have a BIG, LOUD, NASTY inner critic and for years I thought it made me an awful person. I stuffed all those thoughts for fear of being judged by others as a terrible person. I denied most of my inner critic’ voices.

Until I understood the cost.

So I welcomed her. 

And I invite you to do that same.

Step 1: Allow It to be fully here

What you resist persists. So I started playing a game with myself and welcomed my judge as much as I could. I befriended her and developed a relationship with this supposed evil enemy.

And to my surprise, she wasn’t so bad after all.

I learned that this inner critic, this judge, was not really my highest self’s voice; rather, it was the voice of my ego, my ancestors, and the culture, all wrapped up in one loud annoying voice in my head. 

The less I allowed this part to come fully forward, the more she kicked and screamed like an ignored child starving for attention.

So I allowed it and you can too.

Step 2: Accept what is.

Trying to ignore, deny, suppress or avoid what is happening does not serve you. Even if you don’t like it, your best shot at shifting is to accept that your judge is here.  This is a magnanimous act of self love and truly your best shot at transforming it.

Step 3: Thank your Inner Critic

What if you thanked your inner critic and asked for more and more? Sounds a little nutty I know.

That’s what I learned to do. And when I truly began to befriend her, I learned that she was truly my ally.

She helped me see more clearly and showed me all the ways I was conditioned and programmed to resist love, to protect myself, and to be sure nothing bad ever happened.

When I opened to the idea that while this judge may feel bad, she could possibly still be here “for” me, when I shifted my perspective on this critic, our relationship altered dramatically.

I thanked her from the bottom of my heart for her devotion and service.

By getting to know my inner critic and reshaping that relationship, I spent less time in resistance and more time in curiosity when she arose in me.

I stayed open and attentive to some of the wisdom that was available when judgment became discernment.

At times she is simply just mean, and that is ok too. I allow myself to be as human as I am in each moment, and you can too.

So this week, I invite you to welcome and play with your inner critic, notice when the judge in you arises, welcome her/him, thank him/her for showing up, and get curious about how this persona could be here to support you on your path to awakening.

I am so curious to learn what you find. Let me know!

in trust and gratitude,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher