Is it better to be right or connected?

September 6, 2026

So many of the women I work with, as partners and as parents, are stuck in the same tug of war when conflict arises. So let me start by asking you something.

What do you actually get by being right?

I invite you to sit with that for a second. You may even want to take a moment and grab your journal. 

Because I asked myself this very thing while in a conversation with my son.

Here is what happened.

This morning over breakfast he shared an opinion about a story in the news. I saw his point, but felt compelled to offer another perspective. Predictably, he dug into his position harder and I dug into mine. Before I knew it we were once again pulling against each other instead of toward each other.

I did not want to be in a tug of war. But there we were.

Now, here’s where it gets interesting.

I was arguing about something that didn’t even matter to me. I wasn’t defending myself, I was just defending my position. I wanted him to see things my way. I wanted to be right about my perspective. And he needed to be right about his.

Why?

I’m so glad you asked.

As always, our ever present ego.

Needing to be right is always a move of the ego.

You see, we have this pattern, my son and I. We push and pull, try to prove the other wrong, until, ironically, we usually discover we actually agree. We just take the long, heated way to get there.

This time was different.

I noticed the pattern coming up. I felt the defensiveness rising in me. And I paused.

I asked myself the one question I teach in my masterclass.

And something in me shifted. I started to see my pattern more clearly and what I was really wanting.

Instead of pushing harder, I told him what I actually believed, that he is one of the most open-minded people I know, and I gave him examples so he could see that I meant it. And then I told him what I actually wanted, which was for him to stay curious and open about the topic we were exploring and my opinions.

I wanted my thoughts and opinions to be honored. I wanted to feel seen and heard.

And, the irony wasn’t lost on me. I was asking him to be open-minded while I was completely closed, certain my opinion was the right one.

When I took responsibility for what I really wanted, and what I saw happening between us things began to shift. We didn’t end up agreeing. But we didn’t get into an angry heated battle either.

To me, that’s a huge win.

This is what happens when you can catch yourself before things go south. Before the tug of war gets heated. Before you say something you regret.

That’s the trick, catching yourself in the triggered state so you can make a new choice when it matters most.

That’s exactly what I teach in my masterclass, Transform Conflict to Connection.

For $44 and in just under an hour, you’ll learn what’s really happening when conflict arises, why you go there, and how to shift — so you can finally put down the rope and pull toward the people you love most.

[Enroll in my on-demand masterclass here]

And remember, you can’t be right and connected. 

in trust and gratitude,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher

P.S. I like to think that when I teach my kids to communicate consciously, they’ll one day make great partners. That’s the power of conscious parenting — and it starts with you.