Why It’s Important to Embrace Your Judgments
July 26, 2026
I Can’t Believe I Did It Again
When my adult kids moved back home this past year I told them one thing very clearly:
Do NOT ask me what’s for dinner. ( I don’t know about you, but, after 30 years of meal making responsibilities this is my least favorite question.)
And after all…they have lived on their own and are completely capable of making their own meals.
And yet, day after day, I find myself thinking about dinner. Planning dinner. Stressing about whats’ for dinner. And. Making dinner.
Last night was no different.
I, of course, made dinner. In my defense, I also need to eat.
Anyway, my daughter came home from work, ate, and began to watch her show.
The dirty dishes stayed on the counter.
Now, I had big plans that night. A bath. An early bedtime. A real self-care evening after weeks of go-go-go. I was very very excited to turn in early and relax.
I expected she would take care of the dishes. She always does.
So, I went upstairs. Drew my bath. Grabbed my book and started my evening routine.
30 minutes later, I came back downstairs.
Dirty dishes. Still there. My daughter, still watching her show.
And I could immediately feel it.
That familiar pull. That low hum of anxiety creeping in.
At first it was irritation and judgment. (Why is she just sitting there watching her show when the dishes need to be done!!!) I could feel myself revving up my demands. “Why haven’t you taken care of the dishes!”
Now, I know this part of me well. When I get anxious — my inner villain comes out to play and I get controlling. I want things handled. And, I want them handled now. (For those of you who’ve taken my quiz — this is the villain role showing up. Right on cue.)
I take a breath and remind myself that she is perfectly capable and you promised yourself you would relax and read your book. So, go read your book.
And then my inner dialogue went something like this: “Aw, c’mon. She had a long day (uhm no she didn’t. She is on break from school. And PS: so did you!!!) Inner Dialogue continues: “Just do it. It’ll only take a minute. Why is this so hard? Just clean the kitchen.” (For those of you who’ve taken my quiz — this is my hero role showing up. Right on cue.)
Here’s where it gets interesting.
Within seconds — I started doing the dishes????
Like what??? Seriously?
On autopilot, I said to myself “I’ll just put the chicken away.”
Just the chicken.
Then the pan. I’ll just wash this ONE pan. It’s not a big deal.
Then the pot. I’ll just soak this so it is easier to wash later.
And before I knew it — I was cleaning the entire kitchen while she finished her show.
She was watching me and even said — “Ya know, I said I would clean the kitchen.”
I know she did.
And I did it anyway.
Now I have been at this long enough to know that my choice to do the dishes had nothing to do with her.
Instead it was an old habit that’s been running me far too long.
I call it guilt.
Guilt so old and so automatic I almost couldn’t feel where it ended and I began.
Voices saying:
>This is your job.
>Don’t burden anyone else.
>What kind of mother leaves dishes for her kid?
>Just get it done.
>It’ll only take a minute.
The guilt that is so deeply programmed I couldn’t stop myself even when I wanted to.
Conditioning that says — no matter the circumstances, no matter how tired, no matter who offered to help — this is my responsibility. My job. My burden to carry.
And I have been at this long enough to know the cost of that story.
It always ended in some argument with me lashing out at her and her defending herself and storming off. A bit of silent treatment and storming around until the next day, when guilt would have me apologizing and explaining myself.
Sound familiar? (I know you’ve been there)
Here’s what I know now that I wish I knew so much sooner.
That argument — the lashing out, the defending, the silent treatment, the apologizing the next day — had nothing to do with the dishes.
It never does.
It was the guilt talking.
The conditioning running the show.
The story was so old I couldn’t see it — I could only feel the aftermath.
And here’s what that cycle costs you:
Your peace. Your presence. Your energy. Your joy. Your connection.
And your relationship with the people you love most.
Because when guilt is running the show — you don’t show up as your most authentic self.
You show up as the role.
The villain who snaps.
The hero who takes over.
The victim who apologizes.
And then the whole thing starts again.
But here’s what moves me most about that night:
My daughter was not just watching her show the whole time. (guilt free by the way)
She watched me say I wouldn’t do it.
She watched me do it anyway.
She watched me clean the kitchen I said wasn’t mine to clean.
And she’s learning something from that.
Whether I intend to teach it or not.
This is what women do. This is what mothers do. This is what love looks like.
And I intend to model something different.
So I invite you to get curious:
Where is guilt running you so automatically — and what is it costing you?
If you want to start clearly seeing the patterns keeping you stuck in guilt and on autopilot in your relationships and your life — my On Demand Masterclass, Transform Conflict to Connection, is your ticket to freedom.
It’s under an hour. You can even watch it in the bath. 😉
in trust and gratitude,
Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher
P.S. When you purchase the masterclass today I’ll save you a complimentary spot in my live Group Q&A Coaching session — Tuesday August 12th, 12-1pm. We’ll tackle guilt, shame and all the conditioning running you under the surface impacting your closest relationships. Together. $44 gets you both. ($152 value)