Did you marry your father?
June 21, 2026
A workshop student recently shared this with me:
“When conflict arises, my husband shuts down. We avoid revisiting arguments after conflict so nothing ever gets resolved. We’re stuck in a painful loop of anger and avoidance.”
Sound familiar?
If it does — it’s not a coincidence.
And it didn’t start with your husband.
Your father was your first teacher about how to be in relationship to a man.
Your first teacher about conflict. About emotional safety. About whether your needs were too much or not enough.
How he showed up for you, or didn’t, became your blueprint for what love looks like.
What feels familiar. What feels safe. What feels like home.
And here’s what your nervous system does:
It seeks what FEELS familiar over what is FEELS good.
Crazy, but true.
Because familiar feels predictable, even when it hurts.
So the man who triggers your abandonment wound, the one who shuts down when you need connection most, chances are you felt that feeling long before him.
Your father modeled what men do when things get hard. How they handle conflict. How they hold, or don’t hold, space for a woman’s emotions.
And your partner? His father taught him the same.
He’s not withholding on purpose.
He learned to shut down somewhere too.
You both come to this honestly.
Which means this loop of anger and avoidance isn’t a dead end.
It’s an invitation.
Every pattern that keeps showing up in your relationship is asking to be seen.
Because awareness is where healing begins.
So this Father’s Day I’m asking you:
What did your dad teach you about conflict?
And how is that showing up in your relationship right now?
Hit reply and let me know. I want to know you.. 🤍
If you want to start seeing your childhood patterns more clearly, I created this quiz for for you.
in trust and gratitude,
Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher