Your Permission Slip to Be Angry Today

January 23, 2022

Recently I was coaching a client who is navigating a messy divorce.

She likes to consider herself a kind, gentle and peaceful person and she has a deep desire for this divorce to go as smoothly and harmoniously as possible for herself, her ex, and most of all for her kids. 

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She does not want them to suffer any more than they have to.

I am sure you can relate as I imagine you too don’t want to cause your kids any unnecessary suffering.

However, from time to time her soon-to-be-ex makes her mad.  

Really, really, MAD.

But mad is not her thing. She does not do “anger.”  She wants to model kindness and patience for her kids.  

The problem is when he does whatever he is doing that triggers her, she does not feel KIND. 

She feels angry.

But, because she has a deep commitment to peace and harmony, she makes feeling angry a bad thing, something that’s wrong and should be ignored, denied, resisted.

Therein lies the problem.

As she prioritizes peace as her highest value, she bypasses her authentic experience and represses what she is actually feeling.

She came to our coaching session in shock and dumbfounded by his latest choice. She was calm and confused, and I asked her the first and most important question conscious parents ask themselves: 

“Where am I?” (see last week’s blog post for more about this fundamental question)

We did our check-in process, and she quickly located herself in fear and soon started to become aware of some anger in her body, which she immediately resisted.

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I asked her the second most important question conscious parents ask themselves: 

Can you accept yourself?

The thing is, as long as she believes she is ‘peaceful’, she cannot allow herself to feel anger when it naturally arises, even if that is what she is feeling.

When my client decided to accept her anger, something magical began to unfold.  

As she allowed her body to FEEL all the anger and rage that was coursing through her, she dissolved into sadness and grief.

From this place not only is beginning her healing journey, but she is also modeling how to navigate big feelings like anger for her kids.

Now I don’t know about you, but this sounds very kind to me.

To parenting authentically and not perfectly.

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher