When ‘I don’t wanna’ gets in the way of love
November 9, 2025
Last week, I introduced you to Wanda — the part of me that just doesn’t wanna.
She doesn’t wanna work.
She doesn’t wanna think.
She doesn’t wanna do one. more. thing.
Here’s what I’ve discovered about “I don’t wanna Wanda”:
When I pay attention, “I don’t wanna” is the end result of a pattern of mine, not the beginning.
If I track it back to its root, it always starts with pressure.
The pushing. The doing. The constant drive to keep everything moving.
Wanda doesn’t show up out of nowhere — she shows up when I’ve pushed myself past my own capacity.
Here is the pattern I am aware of:
Pressure → Exhaustion → “I Don’t Wanna” → Disconnection
It took me years to see this pattern clearly.
When I’m not aware, it goes something like this:
Feeling (rooted in fear) → I am falling behind.
Story → I tell myself I need to do more, be more, achieve more.
Result → I override the signals from my body, the fatigue, the tension, the tightness in my chest. I keep pushing anyway.
Until I hit the wall.
And that’s when Wanda shows up. And gives up.
She throws up her hands and says, “I’m done. I don’t wanna anymore!.”
But what’s really happening underneath is that the part of me that’s been driving, hustling, and proving finally burns out.
The exhaustion isn’t the problem — it’s the signal.
It’s Wanda waving a flag, saying, “Hey, you’re out of alignment again.”
These are the beliefs beneath my self imposed pressure.
When I slow down and get curious, I can see what fuels this pattern:
- I’m not doing enough.
- There’s not enough time.
- If I stop, everything will fall apart.
Sound familiar?
These unconscious beliefs might seem small, but they run the show when you’re not paying attention.
They will keep you in a loop of pressure that leads to the very disconnection you’re trying to avoid.
So, How Does This Pattern Impact Your Relationships?
When I’m caught in that pressure loop, I’m not just hard on myself, I’m hard on everyone around me. (it’s impossible not to be)
I get shorter, sharper, and less patient. I start managing instead of listening.
My partner feels my tension and either pulls away or pushes back.
And just like that, the same inner pressure that started in me becomes a disconnection between us.
This is how our inner patterns quietly shape our relationships.
The good news? Awareness changes everything — because once you see it, you can choose differently.
How can you move from Pressure to Presence?
This is why awareness is so important.
The moment you recognize your pattern, you can pause.
You can breathe.
And instead of pushing through, you can ask yourself a different question:
“What if there’s nothing to prove right now?”
That single pause changes everything.
It reconnects you to your truth and from that place, you show up differently.
Not from fear or striving, but from presence.
Because when you’re disconnected from yourself, you’re not available to connect with the people you love.
And that’s the cost of living from pressure — it keeps you busy, but not connected.
Take a moment today and notice:
- Where in your life do you feel pressure?
- Where might you be pushing past your natural rhythm?
- What might happen if you stopped and listened instead?
The first step to changing a pattern is simply seeing it.
A Quick Reflection Exercise: Your Relationship Needs Check-In
To help you reconnect, try asking yourself:
- What do I most need right now — rest, support, reassurance, time alone, or connection?
- Have I clearly communicated that need, or have I been expecting someone to guess it?
- What one small action could I take today to meet that need with compassion?
Getting honest about your needs is how you step out of the pressure loop and back into alignment — with yourself and the people you love.
If you’d like to explore how these unconscious patterns and inner parts (like Wanda) quietly create drama and disconnection in your relationships, take my One Simple Question Quiz.
✨ Discover which inner part might be running the show — and how to reconnect with your most authentic self.
in trust and gratitude,
Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher