When your kids are rude, ask this

January 16, 2022

My 17-year-old daughter, now a senior in High School, was finally going back to school after a month-long break due to non-covid related sickness, winter break, covid shutdowns, and the looming fear of covid spreading if school started up again.

On top of everyday high school drama, she was understandably nervous about going back to school. To say she was anxious, irritated, and highly stressed the first morning back is an understatement. 

Like always, I got up early to say goodbye, and help her get lunch prepared and out the door on time.

On this particular morning, she was far less pleasant than most. There may or may not have been a bit more stomping around, complaining, and let’s just say she was not her friendliest self.

And to be honest, I myself was recovering from covid so I too was not at my best. 

When she shouted at me the final time as she rushed out the door, I could feel myself want to shout:

“How dare you be so rude after what I did for you this morning!  You are so disrespectful! My parents would never let me talk to them like that growing up!”

Instead, I sat down, took a deep breath, and asked myself the single most important question I ask myself on the daily.

Where am I?

It may seem like a strange or even obvious question, so let me explain. I am not asking what room of the house I am in or what city I am in. I am asking something far more introspective.

This question helps me become radically self-aware and more honest with myself so that I can take responsibility, consciously, for what I choose to do next.

My unconscious conditioned self would:

• • • • Immediately send her a text explaining how rude she is and tell her that she needs to learn to be more kind & respectful.
      • Call her and tell her how disappointed I am in her attitude and we are all having a hard time here, she is not the only one.
      • Remind her that I got up early to help here even though I am still feeling under the weather!

Old me knows how this dynamic goes which inevitably ends with her defending herself and the two of us going a few rounds not really hearing each other until one of us gives up.

From presence or trust, I would:

• • • • Sit, breath, and BE with my triggered and activated self until I calmed down
      • Acknowledge the part of me that worries that I might be raising a rude, disrespectful, and ungrateful human being
      • Trust that I’ve modeled kindness, respect, and gratitude to her
      • Not resist or judge what is happening (so hard!)

After a few minutes of being with myself, I experienced a gentle shift in my experience and with a clear head and realized that there is no real threat here, even though my parenting ego was experiencing one. 

As parents, when we are self-aware we can truly take responsibility for the results in our lives and relationships.

You too can use this simple question “Where am I?” to become radically honest with yourself so that you can choose to shift from fear-based conditioned responses to a place of surrender and trust and be more empowered in your parenting moments.

Want to know more?

My Drop Family Drama course is designed to shift unhealthy disempowering patterns that create conflict and disconnection in families and help develop healthy empowering dynamics, resulting in authentic, lasting conscious relationships.

In this course, we explore the 4 key questions for conscious parents and this simple tool more deeply starting on February 8th.

Tuesday,  February 8 – Module 1 Locating Myself, Where am I?

Tuesday, February 15 – Module 2 Can I Accept Myself?

Tuesday, February 22 – Module 3 Am I Willing to Shift?

Tuesday, March 1 – Module 4 How Will I Shift?

Tuesday, March 8 – Module 5 Cultivating Presence

Learn more here

I could not be more excited to share with you how this simple question has changed my life and all my relationships.  

To parenting authentically and not perfectly,

Wishing you an abundance of love peace and joy,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher

PS: Ironically, shortly after she got to school she sent a sweet text apologizing and explaining that she is sorry. 

My parenting ego liked that very much.