The Less You Resist, The Less You Suffer
June 2, 2024
If you are finding a relationship challenging or going through a big and perhaps unwelcome transition in life – you may be surprised to learn that you are being invited to evolve.
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If I knew this when I was going through my divorce 20 years ago I would’ve handled it so differently. So very differently.
I had no idea what the universe had in mind for me when my marriage started to fall apart and I resisted it every step of the way.
I unconsciously created tons of drama and suffering for myself and those I loved.
I spent loads of unnecessary time and money on lawyers, mediators, therapists and other professionals. I spend my time and energy gossiping to friends and family about all the twists and turns trying to figure it all out. I spent countless hours journaling and thinking about how I can right this wrong turn.
I wasted precious and valuable resources.
Because I was in resistance to what was occurring.
And I inevitably postponed my transformation.
What did I get instead?
A false sense of control – anxiety, stress, disconnection and bills. Lots of bills.
And that is ok. I did the best I knew how in the moment.
But now I know better.
When we know better, we do better.
Fortunately, all that resistance and pushing against and desire to control taught me so much.
Looking back I see how much my resistance was the cause of my suffering, not my actual circumstances.
What are you resisting right now?
I dare you to take a moment and look at your life and relationships.I know there is something 🙂 Is it a piece of unexpected news, a poor grade, a plan that didn’t work, a diagnosis, someone’s behavior, the weather, your kids’ addiction, your job, your spouses work habits, an affair or betrayal or your young adult’s current life choices?
Whatever it is, I get it. We all have a way we think life should and shouldn’t be happening. We have our preferences.
And unfortunately, life does not always go as planned. This I know you know.
So, what do you do when life throws you a curveball?
Accept and Trust it.
Acceptance is trust at the deepest level.
Trusting that the “fill in the blank” awful thing that is happening is TRULY for your highest good may not always make sense in the heat of the moment, yet I have found that reliably, life is undeniably benevolent and trustworthy.
The less you resist, the less you suffer.
So the big question then is how do you accept it?
I have found that acceptance first starts with awareness. Most of the time, you will find that you are not even aware that you are in resistance! That is how sneaky the ego is.
So you start with self-awareness.
There are a few “flags” you can look for to begin to notice when you are in resistance to life.
- Thoughts or statements that begin with “should or shouldn’t, I can’t, It’s hard or I’m trying!”
- Behaviors like arguing, gossiping about the situation, rationalization, or feeling overwhelmed.
- Believing there are only two options, or that this is serious, or that something bad is happening.
A great journal practice to help you get clear is to set a short 10 minute timer and begin to bitch, moan and complain about the issue you are struggling with. Go back after 10 minutes and look for clues from the above list to get clear.
Taking the step to bring more awareness to the ways you are resisting is a true act of grace and self-compassion and the first step in taking more responsibility and being more empowered in your relationships and in your life.
It is not always easy to face these shadowy parts that hide away, but it can certainly help pave the way for more peace and empowerment.
And I know you are up for the challenge, even if you don’t.
This week’s Live Masterclass on Thursday, June 6th, will teach you all the secrets to feeling more empowered when that big nasty resistance comes up.
I hope to see you there!
Join today to secure your spot for this once in a lifetime LIVE experience.
I promise, you won’t regret it! 😉
When you heal, you help to heal the world.
In gratitude,
Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher
“With Annmarie’s guidance, I learned how to have courageous, timely conversations that went deep and to feel and talk my way through contentious issues around “touchy” topics like trust and reliability. Annmarie held my feet to the fire and helped me get to the other side. I’ve grown thanks to the safe space Annmarie created for me to open up and share what was true for me, even when it felt scary to do so. And now that I know how to do the work myself, I am much stronger and better equipped to help others. Annmarie is a strong, courageous, fun and very skilled coach.”
MONICA CALLON