Is betrayal a gift?

December 22, 2024

Previously I shared that trust is the most important quality in a relationship.

But what I didn’t share is this: in both my marriages, trust was broken.😳

And as heartbreaking and painful as those experiences were, they turned out to be some of the greatest gifts of my life.

Let me explain.

When someone you love breaks trust, it cracks your heart wide open.💔 As much as you might try to avoid that kind of pain, here’s the thing about an open heart….

It creates space to receive.

When my heart broke after experiencing betrayal, I received some of the most valuable lessons of my life.

🌟 I learned how to honor my intuition—how to listen when something didn’t feel right.
🌟 I learned how to trust my body and its wisdom.
🌟 I learned how to honor my no, even when it felt hard, mean, or scary.
🌟 I learned how to create, hold, and defend my boundaries.
🌟I discovered patience, compassion, and empathy—not just for others, but for myself.

And most importantly:

I learned how to trust myself.

All because someone I loved broke my trust????

I know it sounds strange to think of heartbreak, betrayal, or conflict as gifts. But often, life’s most valuable lessons are wrapped in the challenges you’d never ask for.

Here’s the thing:

During the holiday season, there is a lot of talk about giving and receiving. 

But what if you looked beyond the gifts ‘under the tree’? 🎄

What if you took a moment to honor the hidden gifts—the ones that come disguised as challenges in our relationships?

🎁 Maybe a difficult conversation with a friend taught you to stand in your truth.
🎁 Maybe the ending of a relationship showed you how much strength you truly have.
🎁 Maybe the person who hurt you the most gave you the opportunity to learn how to forgive—not for them, but for your own peace.

As you wrap up the year, I’d like to invite you to pause and reflect on the gifts—both seen and unseen—that your relationships have given you in 2023.

Take a moment to ask yourself:

💪🏼What relationship challenges helped me grow stronger, more resilient, or more empowered this year?

👩🏻‍🎓What did I learn about myself that I might not have realized if I hadn’t faced those challenges?

And here’s a radical idea:

What if you took this reflection one step further?

What if you wrote a thank-you note—not to the people who made life easy, but to the ones who challenged you, hurt you, or even broke your heart?

Now, this isn’t about excusing bad behavior or pretending everything is okay. It’s about acknowledging the lessons those experiences brought into your life.

You don’t have to send the note (though you can if it feels right). Simply writing it can be a powerful way to release resentment, honor your growth, and open your heart to healing.

Because Empowered Relationships Start Within

The health of our relationships isn’t just about how others treat us—it’s about how we choose to respond, grow, and show up.

When we learn to find the hidden gifts in even the hardest moments, we reclaim our power. We stop being victims of our circumstances and become the creators of our lives.

This holiday season, I encourage you to give yourself the gift of reflection.
Look for the hidden treasures in your relationships—the challenges that shaped you, the pain that cracked you open, and the lessons that helped you grow.

Because when you do, you’ll find that even the hardest moments hold the seeds of something beautiful.

Wishing you a season full of peace, growth, and connection.

in trust and gratitude,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher

PS: You don’t have to only focus on those relationships that have been challenging! It could also be fun to write a note (or record a voice memo) to anyone and everyone on your list telling them what you learned from them and the gifts you received from them too!