Get Your Needs Met Without Feeling Resentful

April 21, 2024

Do you ever feel angry or resentful in your relationship?

A client was complaining to me about her spouse. 

Like most relationships, theirs had been reduced to routine after two and half decades of marriage, however, after a long getaway where reconnection happened, she was feeling excited and hopeful about the rekindled spark they’d co-created.

Even though they set intentions to keep this connection alive, as everyday life crept back in, old patterns came forward and little by little this renewed connection was feeling lost again.

She was frustrated, resentful and hopeless, because let’s face it:

Connection feels good 😀Disconnection feels not so good ☹️

If you are experiencing resentment in your relationships you are in the Zone of Disempowerment.

Resentment, frustration and hopelessness live in the Zone of Disempowerment and come from beliefs like:

• He just doesn’t care.
• Work is more important to him, as usual.
• He is so distracted all the time!
• I am tired of being the only one trying here!
• This is pointless and I just don’t care anymore.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

I completely get it. I’ve been there many times. I am sure you have too. This is not a problem, it’s just part of the human experience.                 

However, when you are in the Zone of Disempowerment, you feel powerless and ineffective at co-creating what you most deeply desire.

It’s scary down there!

From the Zone of Disempowerment, fear is at the core and driving all thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

In time, my client realized she was afraid that they would never get back to that yummy connection again and she was frustrated with herself, her own vulnerability and her inability to co-create what she most desired. 

Rather than confront her feelings, her ego turned them into anger and resentment towards her husband, unconsciously blocking true communication.

This is a masterful ego move that we all do btw!

However, from the Zone of Empowerment, trust is at the core and drives your thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

When she could see her part in co-creating the disconnection that she was experiencing, she shifted her attention from blaming him to getting curious about ways to take responsibility for expressing herself and got back into conversation with him from an open, non-judgmental heart. 

They then began to see one another more clearly and realized that they both needed to take a closer look at the lifestyle choices they are making that contribute to disconnection so that they can make more time for connection.

Being vulnerable in your relationships isn’t the key to fixing what is broken, but it is the key to setting you on the path to getting your needs met.

Getting your needs met is truly an inside job and one that only you can take responsibility for. 

If you are feeling angry, resentful, or frustrated in your relationship, It could be time to take a closer look at what you might be afraid to ask for for fear of not getting it.

Our silly egos have a crazy way of trying to protect us.

This week, I invite you to take a resentment inventory. Make a list of the five most important people in your life and see if you have any unresolved anger or resentment.

Look to see if there is something you want that you are not getting from that relationship.

• Maybe you want more quality time.
• Maybe you want more space!
• Maybe you want more help around family or household responsibilities. 
• Maybe you want to express frustration about something.
• Maybe you want to create a new agreement.

Getting clarity about what you want and need and having the courage to express it is fundamental to intimacy and connection in any relationship..

This is a really good first step in taking responsibility for getting what you want and feeling more empowered in your relationships and your life.

Remember Empowerment = Freedom.

Hit reply and let me know how it goes!

In trust and gratitude,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher