Do your holiday family fantasies match your reality?

December 19, 2021

It’s 5 am Monday morning.

Me and my mind have been awake since 3:30 am trying to figure out how to manifest an additional 15 hours in my day’s schedule.  

Christmas is 12 days away (as I write this) and all the extra ‘to do’s’ that go along with it are piling up.

I suspect you can relate.  If not, no need to read on. You can go on your merry way. 😂 

You see, I thought I had it all together. 

I made all the lists and checked them twice…

I shopped early this year…

I planned ahead…

I coordinated with others….

I was organized…

So that I could relax and enjoy the holiday and the family wedding on New Year’s Eve.

And this morning I find myself anything but relaxed. 

The weekend did not go as I  … Most of my plans got ‘upended.’ I found myself feeling a bit out of sorts, and now I’m certain my to-do list is longer than Santa’s gift list.

You see, I can get very attached to my ‘plans’ and want them to go exactly as I imagine they do. 

When they don’t I can get a bit controlling. 

And this is where I get myself into trouble, on the regular.

Do you find yourself attached to your dreams of the way you want it to be?

Being attached to particular outcomes is one way you create yourself as overwhelmed during the holidays. This is a lesson I learn over and over again.

Every year I imagine our family tree trimming something out of a Norman Rockwell painting. Hot cocoa (spiked for the adults, of course), Christmas music playing, lots of good cheer, and just a touch of snow falling outside our window while we sing along joyfully together trimming the tree.

I’m fairly certain it has NEVER gone that way.

This year has been no different.

We planned to get our tree 🌲 on Friday afternoon, a family tradition. It rained.

We pivoted to Saturday. 

While Saturday was already fully booked we pivoted to a Saturday afternoon excursion instead. 

It was a sunny ☀️ 45 degrees in Chicago and we all popped into the car to find the family tree.

My attempt to get my grown children to sing Jingle Bells failed miserably. (I’m certain all the holiday cheer is for me and me only and my family simply humors me but only to a certain point.)

And then…

We drove to our trusted tree lot and it was completely empty. 

Not a tree in sight?!? 

We then tried two more tree lots… 

I learned the hard way that there is a tree shortage.

And a shortage of lights…

I began to worry. And judge… 

“You should’ve planned early. What’s wrong with you? How could you let this happen?” 

You know the drill.

My husband and I decided to buy a fake pre-lit tree as there were only three left at Home Depot. 

Which then began a firestorm of resistance from the troops. 

Some of the kids were thrilled with this choice: Let’s get this chore done already!

While others threatened to not decorate our environmentally toxic Christmas Tree 🎄!

Which set off a debate between them about which tree—fresh cut or artificial— is more environmentally-friendly

Tis the season to be jolly…Fa la la la la la la la 🎶

We shoved the fake, toxic, reusable, pre-lit tree into the car and drove past the three tree lots on the way home which mocked me with their giant emptiness.

Yup, this family tradition never turns out quite like my imagination has dreamt it up.. 

Am I alone here? Do your family fantasies match your reality?

When it comes to parenting, I’ve learned that letting go of what we want things to be like and allowing them to be what they are is the key to finding peace in the holiday season and in our family lives.

Are you wondering where to begin unwinding those pesky attachments so you can find peace on the other side? Here are a few steps:

#1) First and most importantly, recognize that you are, in fact, attached to a specific outcome, situation, or result. This takes a radical act of self-awareness.

#2) Once you are aware, it’s time to get real. Be honest with yourself and ask: 

In case things don’t go as planned, am I willing to let go of:

• • • • This vision?
      • This want?
      • This plan?
      • This dream?

#3) If you’re not ready to let go of your vision, desire or plan, cool!  No worries. Celebrate your awareness and allow yourself to be just where you are: unwilling to let go.  Don’t judge yourself or the situation.  Let yourself be human. 

#4) If you are ready to let go, that’s great too. When you allow yourself to let go you create space for what is here now and in my experience, this is where you can find the peace you’ve been looking for all along.

Peace is truly just one breath away when you are open, ready, and willing to access it.

Peace really truly does start within.  

And this is what I wish for you this Holiday Season.  

An abundance of peace in all your moments.

Peace on earth, or just in your living room.

If you’d like a little support accessing your place of inner peace, I invite you to check out my “Check-in Meditation” (access it HERE) to get you started today.

Wishing you an abundance of love peace and joy,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher