Do You Know How to Forgive Yourself?

May 1, 2022

Raise your hand if you’ve ever lost your temper, spanked your kid, or said the unforgivable…

Have you ever found yourself yelling, screaming, throwing an adult tantrum, or losing your cool?

You are human and parenting, so I imagine the answer is a resounding yes.

Do you then punish yourself and rescue your children to make yourself feel better? 

You are human and parenting, so I imagine the answer is once again is yes.

When you judge yourself, you beat yourself up ⬆️ thinking things like…

• • • I’m an adult, I should know better.
    • I should set a better example.
    • I screwed them up and our relationship is doomed

Over the past 24 years, I’ve made my fair share of “mistakes” as a parent — at times, I’ve said and done ‘terrible things’ that seemed unforgivable in the moment. 

And honestly, that’s not the biggest problem.

The biggest problem was what I did after.

Rather than forgive myself, I punished myself, beat myself up and judged myself. 

I shamed myself.

From that place of shame, the real problems arise.

Your ego will have you doing all sorts of crazy things… buying unnecessary gifts, bending boundaries, and allowing unwelcome or unwanted behaviors.

I promise when you are feeling guilt and shame, you will make similar poor choices. 

When you punish yourself you are simply not available to truly parent from presence. 

Do you have a forgiveness practice?

When you open your heart to bring more spaciousness and less judgment to your experience, you step into discernment and unconditional love.

The truth is, in any given moment, you are actually doing the very best you can even if the results are not what you prefer.

The next time you catch yourself judging your parenting fails, pause, take one deep breath, and welcome in the part of you that acted out, reacted, or made a choice you are not proud of. That part of you is just scared and feeling a little out of control and needs to feel accepted in order to calm down. 

Parents are people too—you’re allowed to be scared!

This month I invite you to practice forgiving yourself for all the things you’ve done and will no doubt do again on your parenting journey that you judge as imperfect. Allow yourself to learn and grow.

Here’s the thing: when you embrace your own imperfections no matter how big or small and learn, you give your kids permission to be imperfect as well.

When you learn how to forgive yourself, you teach your children how to offer that grace to themselves.

And this is the gift.

To parenting authentically and not perfectly,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher