Can Allow Yourself— And Your Kids— To Be Wrong?

June 26, 2022

One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is the ability to screw up and screw up early and often.

In my early stages of parenting, I really wanted to help my kids NOT make mistakes.  I thought that was the right thing to do. I would warn them and protect them as much as possible.

Of course, it’s important to keep our kids safe from real danger and harm. Don’t touch the stove. Don’t run into the street. Don’t drink and drive.

But when we protect our kids from making any mistakes, we keep them from learning valuable lessons which can have a real impact on their ability to become resilient human beings.

As a kid myself I was very focused on being good, perfect, and error-free. I did NOT want to ever be bad, wrong, or get into trouble. So I carefully constructed my life to strive for perfection all the time. While this may sound like a noble attribute, it is not necessarily.

For starters, there is no such thing as perfect. It simply does not exist. Learning to accept things as they are is what perfection really is. Second, it is a total setup for stress and anxiety and does nothing to build grit and resilience. When we fall, we learn that we are strong and capable and can get back up again. We learn to try again until we get the result we want. Lastly, when we make mistakes we grow, learn and evolve.  

These days I am far more interested in raising resilient kids than I am in perfect kids. And I know that that starts with myself.

As a parent, I make a ton of mistakes. Now I celebrate them for what they are— my opportunity to learn and grow.  And when I celebrate my mistakes, two things happen:

1. I model resiliency.
2. I cultivate compassion for myself and others.

Today, when one of my kids come home with a “bad” test result or had a fight with a friend, I celebrate the perceived failure as the opportunity it truly is to learn.

One of my favorite things to say when a test is failed is “Awesome!  Now you know what you don’t know!” (PS: this is not their favorite reply btw 😉 )

This week look for all the ways you resist making mistakes and seek perfection in yourself and others.  

When you learn to accept and celebrate your mis-takes, you are far more likely to allow it in your kids.

To parenting authentically and not perfectly,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher