Big fights = Valuable Insights

December 29, 2024

Last summer, my husband and I had a huge argument over the washing machine he bought without discussing it with me first. 

But, like most arguments, it wasn’t really about the washing machine.😒

It went much deeper than that.

After about 15 minutes of heated back-and-forth, I suddenly broke down in tears.

Now, to know me is to know that I rarely cry—it’s just not my thing. So when I started melting down, he was stunned, and honestly, so was I.

We both got quiet, pausing in the aftermath of my unexpected emotions. In that stillness, something clicked: this wasn’t about the washing machine at all.

Here’s the thing—my husband is a “waste no time, jump into action” kind of guy. 

When he noticed the washing machine needed to be replaced, he ordered one right away, problem solved.

I, on the other hand, am a “think it through, weigh the options, take my time, let’s discuss it ” kind of gal.

Neither approach is right or wrong. 

But when he made the decision without consulting me, it triggered something deep inside—an old, younger part of me that felt excluded and unimportant. The part of me that quietly believes, “I don’t matter.”

Now, while this wasn’t and isn’t actually true in the present moment, it felt true to that part of me. And that matters, because those old parts come up to be seen, heard, held and healed.

And until I understood that, I couldn’t see the real reason I was so upset. And neither could he.

He cannot see me clearly until I see me clearly. Duh. The whole self-awareness game is up again!

However, once I uncovered what was happening beneath the surface and fuss, I shared what I became aware of with him and we had a heart-to-heart and found a way to make decisions that honors both of our needs.

For us, it’s become about co-creating true equity, partnership, and collaboration in our relationship—values that had not yet been fully identified as foundational to us, but have since strengthened not only our relationship, but the way we handle life’s inevitable challenges together.

These three words have become the bedrock of our relationship this past year. We lean on them heavily, asking ourselves with every decision—big or small—Are we honoring each other equally? Are we showing up as full partners? Are we united in our collaboration?

Using these three words as our guiding principles has absolutely brought us closer together and more connected.

So what about you?

As the new year approaches, I’d like to invite you to reflect on your own relationship keywords. 

{Join my 2025 Relationship Reset Visioning workshop on Sunday, January 12th to discover yours}

What values do you want to guide your connections moving forward?

Take a moment to pause and consider:

What three key words would you use to describe what you want to create as the bedrock of your relationship/s in the coming year?

Maybe it’s trust, connection, or joy. Or perhaps it’s boundaries, balance, and mutual respect. 

There’s no right or wrong answer—just an opportunity to set a clear intention for how you want to show up and what you want to nurture in your relationships.

Write them down,and consider asking your partner to do the same and maybe see what you learn with and about each other.

Let these words guide you as you move into 2025. 

When you approach your relationships with clarity and intention, you open the door to creating something truly meaningful.

I would LOVE to hear what three words came up for you. 

Hit reply and let me know.

Here’s to a new year filled with more love, expansion, growth, and deeper connections in all your relationships. 💛

in trust and gratitude,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher