Be a Better Listener
March 13, 2022
My daughter repeatedly says to me, “I told you that already! You just don’t listen to me!”
Have you ever heard your kids say the same?
Truth be told, she is right.
I miss a lot. My mind is routinely juggling about 50 things and if I am not intentionally listening I don’t hear her.
Being a good listener as a parent is key to maintaining meaningful relationships with your kids no matter what age they are.
There is nothing our kids want more than to be fully seen and heard.
Do you notice that there are so many things in your head competing for attention when trying to listen to your kids?
Giving your kids your full attention in conversation isn’t easy given all of life’s distractions and obligations, but it is a skill we can practice and a true gift to our kids.
This week I invite you to practice mindful listening with me with these four steps.
1. Pause and take a deep breath
2. Turn off distractions
3. Turn to fully face your child
4. Tune in to what your child is saying without judging the content
When you pause and take a deep breath you calm your nervous system down, clear your mind and settle your reptilian brain. One deep breath brings you here now and creates the space you need to be fully present.
When you turn your phone off, shut the car radio off, or stop whatever you are doing and face your child you are sending the message that you are being intentional with your attention. The message they receive is that in that moment, nothing matters more than they do.
Listen to your child without judging their tone, words or content. This is the biggest challenge you will face when it comes to listening mindfully (to anyone!). Learning to fully tune in to the other while noticing your judging mind and simultaneously letting that judging go is deep mindfulness work. Observe yourself judging without believing the judgments – stay open and curious and see what you learn.
When you take responsibility for listening mindfully you take an important step to connecting more authentically and becoming a more conscious parent, partner and person.
Remember that your greatest asset is your attention span.
Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher