The Price of Self-Betrayal

October 29, 2023

I pull up the covers of my comfortable bed, ready to end my day. My house is quiet, but as I lie still, a familiar pressure grips my chest. My heart rate quickens, and my mind races. 

I take a few deep breaths and I get–or at least I try to get–relaxed and present and prepared for sleep. 

But my mind wanders back to my day, to my to-do list, and to all the legitimately important tasks I promised myself I’d complete this weekend. My body is very aware that I did not keep my promise. 

Instead I allowed social engagements, time with family, household chores, and simple pleasures like a walk with a friend and a spontaneous drive in the country to get in the way of the commitments I had made to myself.

Lying still, I was aware that I had betrayed myself–and my body was telling me that it was not ok.

Why is it not ok to betray myself? Because in doing so, I collude with the culture of disempowerment. When I don’t honor my commitments to myself, commitments that were set very consciously as steps toward reaching my intended goals, there is a cost. 

The cost of self-betrayal manifests in three ways:

• Mental Health: I lie in bed, anxious, thinking about my unmet commitments rather than falling asleep satisfied.
• Spiritual Well-Being: I dwell on past regrets and dread waking up to the same uncompleted tasks, far from the present moment.
• Physiological Well-Being: I lose sleep, and anxiety permeates the very cells of my body.

On a personal level, I find myself irritable, unhappy, and not much fun to be around. That, in itself, is a high price to pay.

What if the opposite had happened?

When I keep my commitments to myself I feel full, complete, on purpose, satisfied, ready to sleep deeply and soundly. I’m excited to wake up the next day feeling rested, fully empowered, connected and plugged into source. My creator energy fully online.

Most definitely how I want to feel each and every day.

Can you envision a life where you feel purposeful, empowered, deeply connected, and truly fulfilled at the end of each day?

It is a conscious choice you can make when you are aware of how your life, our culture, your obligations and your limiting beliefs seduce you to betray yourself.

It’s time to take a moment to get to know yourself. Grab a piece of paper, an old-school journal, and a pen. In less than five minutes, list the ways in which you might be betraying yourself. These betrayals can be big or small, but I bet you’ll breeze through this in about two minutes.

Next, review your daily to-do list and rate each task on a scale from 1 to 10. Reserve a 10 for those activities that ignite your passion and make you feel the most alive. Now, tally up the number of 10s on your list. If you find more tasks rated below 5, it’s a clear sign that you’re betraying yourself, sapping your life force energy, and incurring a significant cost.

Finally, write down one small action step to address each self-betrayal—just one step. The answers are within reach; you only need to remember them. 

When you embrace radical responsibility for how you are being in the world, you not only acknowledge the impact you have on your own life but also the profound influence you extend to those around you. Your choices ripple through the lives of others, creating a transformation that goes beyond yourself. 

It’s the beginning of an amazing journey towards a more empowered and connected existence, one that resonates with all those you touch, and it truly starts with you.

Now’s the time. Let’s get after it together 😀

Much gratitude,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher