Staying Together “For the Kids Sake”?

April 3, 2022

My parents have been married for 60 years. They had their ups and downs, but they stuck with it even through the toughest years (and boy do I remember those years).

My parents always believed it was in their kids’ best interest to stay together. Staying together  “for the sake of their children was my parents highest value. 

And I believed it to the core of my being.

When I was deciding whether to pursue a divorce when my kids were very young (ages 5, 3, and a newborn) I grappled with all my fears and beliefs and the potential effects:

• • • • The emotional impact it would have on each of my children
      • The stress and anxiety of managing two households
      • Their mental health and well-being
      • My core belief that they should have their father at home
      • It’s better to raise your kids in an intact home
      • My biggest fear… “How will I manage as a single parent?”

I read all the books and statistics about the impact divorce has on our kids’ future and I was convinced that staying together was the best thing for my kids.

Deep down I was not open to considering divorce. 

I wanted to do what I believed was best for my kids. I wanted to give them the best start in life I possibly could. I wanted them to thrive and I was committed to doing everything I could to make sure they would.

However, what I learned from reading all the books and listening to advice from experts, family and friends kept me from pulling the trigger no matter how unhappy I was or how difficult my marriage became.

The trouble was I was making my decision based on others opinions, scientific statistics, and my past conditioning. I was not checking in with the most important and reliable source I had —my intuition, my heart, my own knowing.  

When I began to break down my fears and beliefs, I tapped back into my true self, and then I started to see more clearly.

I finally came to the conclusion that leaving the marriage and taking care of myself could actually be what is best for my kids. 

Making that choice could plant the seeds and lay the foundation for their future success even if it was sure to be difficult, challenging, and stressful.

It was HARD and messy. Really, really hard and really, really messy.

However, we learned and grew together—ALL of us, including my ex-spouse.

While “staying together for the kids sake” was a deep-rooted belief, I could not actually know that staying together was the best thing for them.

Letting go of believing that was the only way for my kids to be happy and successful free’d me to think more clearly. In the end, I chose to get divorced because I was truly invested in both my and my kids future success and at that time, leaving my marriage was the healthiest choice I could make, even if it did not align with my conditioned belief. 

The seeds we plant today in our children are the future they will live into. Their patterns, conditioning, their behaviors, and ways of being are formed with every parenting choice we make today.

Making those choices consciously matters.

It can be so hard to unravel ourselves from all those pesky conditioned beliefs we have inherited from our parents and ancestors. They are deeply rooted in our DNA.

However,  when we do our work to get present and clear we make conscious choices from a more empowered place of awareness…

What are you stuck believing that you are passing onto your kids and holding you back?

To parenting authentically not perfectly,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher

PS: I have 2 coaching spots open this month. Claim your spot today and discover what limiting beliefs are holding you back from being the best parenting version of yourself.