Do You Exhaust Yourself Judging Yourself?

February 20, 2022

I’m exhausted and I just don’t wanna parent anymore.

Do you ever feel like you just want to curl up in bed and watch Netflix all day?

I live in Chicago and I am completely and utterly at the effect of the weather. I spend the gentler seasons outside, walking daily, working from my patio, enjoying the warm sun beating on my face, and eating dinner outside with the family. I feel good, I feel healthy, inspired, and alive. I crave the outdoors and nature. And I prefer it.  

But the cold Chicago February weather leaves much to be desired. I’ve been parenting for 24 years and I reliably fall into a predictable pattern around this time of year.

I need a break. I’m tired and want to sleep in. I don’t want to do all the things. It feels like a grind.

And truth be told I am not great at giving myself a break. 

Instead, I am spending a fair amount of time on the judgment ferris wheel and ironically getting little accomplished in the meantime.

To be fair, I start the winter out feeling optimistic – “I can do this! I can still walk every day, I just need to layer up!”  As the days grow colder and darker, I grow less and less motivated, exercise less, watch more tv, hibernate more, and fall into unhealthy eating habits. I fall into all my predictable resistance patterns. I resist the weather and my reaction to it.

And the cycle begins…Resistance leads to judgment, resignation, gossip, bad habits, and lands me smack in the middle of February in my guilt–shame cycle.

I exhaust myself.

Ironically, I exhaust myself by judging, criticizing, blaming, and resisting how I am feeling and what is occurring.

• • • I judge and blame the weather for my lackluster mood.
    • I judge myself for complaining about the weather.
    • I judge myself for not exercising enough these days.
    • I judge myself for having low energy and a lack of enthusiasm.
    • I judge myself for my lack of motivation.
    • I criticize myself, calling myself lazy, spoiled, and ungrateful, and think thoughts like:  “You are so lucky!  You have nothing to complain about!”
    • I spend a lot of time dreaming about being somewhere warmer and greener.

Essentially I spend loads of mental energy in resistance to what is.

I’ve said it before and you will hear me say it again and again.

What you resist persists.

As a parent, I notice that I often don’t listen to myself. I push myself to do more, ignore, avoid and deny what I am feeling until I hit a breaking point and meltdown.

And often my family suffers as a result.

Acceptance is the antidote to resistance.

When I accept myself for all the things…

• • • For being tired.
    • For wanting to take a break.
    • For not liking the cold.
    • For not feeling motivated.
    • For not exercising.

I simply let myself be human. And you can too.

Acknowledging, allowing, and accepting what is, is a radical act of self-love. 

Allowing yourself to have your experience without judging yourself creates space to simply be and from this place, kindness, compassion, and empathy arise naturally. And I promise that when you do, you become a much more present and available parent, partner, and person.

This week, I invite you to notice when you are resisting or judging yourself and take one deep breath of acceptance. And maybe grab the remote and your favorite blanket and just be.

When you know how to truly accept yourself – you most certainly can offer that gift of acceptance to your family.

To parenting authentically and not perfectly,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher