Don’t Hide From Your Fears

November 28, 2021

I learned a tough lesson 18 years ago when I faced my biggest fear at the time: becoming a single mom with a newborn, a 3-year-old, and a 5-year-old. It terrified me.

I learned how important it is to face my fears consciously. 

At the time I had no idea I was even afraid. Instead, I was focused on:

• • • • • Being right this is not the way it was supposed to be!)
        • How bad and wrong it would be for all of us 😩
        • Doing everything I could to keep my family together 

My attention was on changing what was occurring, not on learning, not on getting curious, not on what was actually going on and how my experience is here for my growth.

My fear became resistance, which became conflict and disconnection.

Ironically, the above formula was all just a giant distraction from the fear which had started me on the hamster wheel to begin with.

Do you ever find yourself in drama or disconnected from someone you love and wonder how you got there?

This is what we humans do:  we avoid, ignore, deny and run from discomfort. It’s simply our nature. We are, after all, hard wired to protect ourselves from threats to our survival.

And it’s ok. It’s not a problem; we are just humans, being. 

After years of practice and parenting, my relationship to fear has shifted dramatically. Yours can too.

As a parent, you too are served up big and small opportunities to practice welcoming your fears on a daily basis.

• • • • •  What is the right school choice?
        • How will ending my marriage impact my kids’ lives?
        • Should I let my teenager fail?
        • What if I screw them up?

When you learn to welcome your fears and see them as a gift that deepens your awareness, you suffer less and become more available to trust. You let go and experience ease, joy, flow, and peace.

What’s more, when you welcome your fears, you create less conflict, disconnection, and drama in your life and in your relationships.

Learning to welcome fear is simple but not easy. You have been conditioned to ignore, deny, and run from these uncomfortable feelings. 

Fear starts in the body, not in the head.

If you want to learn how to welcome your fears so you can be more connected, the first step is to become aware of your body’s fear alert system.  

Here are four signs you might be experiencing fear unconsciously:

• • • • • Your breath is fast paced and heavy
        • Your heart beats rapidly
        • You feel tension, tightness, and constriction in or on the body
        • Your thoughts are racing

The challenge here is that you are so conditioned away from noticing what is occurring that you can easily overlook all of the above. You must learn to pay attention to yourself.

Becoming radically aware takes practice.

When you wake up to how your unconscious fears drive your behavior, you open the door to freedom. You don’t become free from fear; you become free from letting your fear unconsciously control you.

This is true liberation. And I want you to feel liberated in all your parenting moments.

Do you want more authentic connection with your family? Staying honestly and authentically connected to all your feelings is the key to connecting with them.

If I could go back in time, I would teach my 20-year-old self to feel more and think less. 

As a parent, I want to pass this lesson on to my kids. I know they won’t learn it in all their years in school. Are you ready to transform your own fears to freedom? My FREE check-in meditation (access it HERE) is a great place to start. I hope you will give it a try.

With gratitude,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher