Have you been masking your feelings?

October 31, 2021

Last week I was coaching a young adult client of mine who was navigating a LOT of anxiety.  I suggested she welcome her feelings of fear that was causing her anxiety and she looked at me like I was from Mars. She said, “I’m afraid I will explode if I do that!”

She was terrified to FEEL, so she denied her fears which resulted in her anxiety…

Have you ever felt this way? I have.

I’m 52 years on the planet and I just recently learned how to cry, be afraid, and most importantly allow myself to experience anger. I’ve learned that when I do this I am free from unnecessary stress & anxiety.

You can be too and as importantly you can teach your kids by example how to navigate their emotions in healthy and productive ways.

I grew up believing there are ‘good’ feelings and ‘bad’ feelings and I should do my best to feel the ‘good feeling’ feelings and avoid the ‘bad feeling feelings’. 

For generations, we all have been taught to deny our feelings. Like my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents, I learned to mask my feelings for most of my life which led to major disconnection with myself and my family.

I got messages like:

• • • “Don’t cry”
    • “Be positive”
    • “It’s not that bad”
    • “Don’t be angry”
    • “There is nothing to be afraid of”

I’ve thought to myself many times as a parent if I don’t know how to do this, who is going to teach my kids to feel their feelings?

And as a young parent, I had no idea how to authentically feel my feelings and as a result had no idea how to deal with my kid’s feelings or teach them how to authentically feel their feelings. 

• • • I would get triggered when they were triggered.
    • I would try to get them to stop being sad when they felt sad.
    • I would encourage them to not be angry at the person who they felt upset by.
    • I would say “don’t be afraid when they were feeling afraid

Sound familiar?

Basically, I was teaching my kids, by example, what generations of us have been taught, to avoid, deny and reject their feelings.

The truth was — Deep down, I was afraid. I had NO idea how to help them navigate their emotions because no one taught me how to navigate mine. 

When I began my meditation practice over 30 years ago, I started to FEEL things that had been stored away for years, like fear, anger, sadness. I had no idea what was lurking in the corners of my consciousness actually and I was afraid to face whatever was hiding.

However, in time and with practice, I learned that the more I acknowledged and allowed my authentic feelings, the lighter I began to feel and the freer I became. As I began to unmask my authentic feelings, I began to model for my kids what it looked like to FEEL what was true without completely imploding as I imagined I might if I allowed myself to actually feel my feelings.

Are you masking your feelings?

It takes courage to feel your feelings and because we human beings have been conditioned to welcome our positive feelings, such as joy and happiness, and ignore, suppress or deny our uncomfortable feelings like anger, fear, and sadness we lack the skills and the practice necessary to authentically FEEL.

The thing is what we resist persists. When we suppress our emotions, they get stuck in the body and we do too and we create stress and anxiety. 

When it comes to our emotions, our job is to learn to be with and FEEL all of them equally.  

When we learn to feel our feelings all the way through we free ourselves, and we have greater access to:

• • • The intelligence of our emotions
    • Our creativity
    • Our innovation 
    • Our aliveness
    • Authentic connection with others

If you are truly seeking more intimacy and authentic connection with your family, you have to start with yourself. You have to go first 🙂 

I promise it is not as scary as you think and you can finally take off that mask you’ve been living with and reveal your most authentic self.

Like all new behaviors, it takes time to shift.  My FREE check-in meditation helps you get out of your head and into your body where your feelings are. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.  I’d love to learn what you find.

With gratitude,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher