The question every mother needs to ask

July 19, 2026

My daughter and her friend came home for the 4th of July weekend.

After a fun few days together, it was time for them to head back….and that’s when things got complicated. Their flights got cancelled and they both got rebooked 48 hours later.

Not ideal for either of them, but my daughter in particular had non-negotiable work obligations and a very long to-do list waiting for her at home. She had to get back asap.

She had the opportunity to fly home the next afternoon rather than wait two days. She struggled big time to re-book the flight. She hemmed and hawed and lamented the decision.

Confused, I asked what was holding her back.

She felt ‘bad’ leaving before her friend.

Disloyal.

Mean.

Unfair.

Blah, Blah, Blah… You know the drill…

There it is. That age-old conditioning we’ve all inherited as women.

She felt it so automatically she wasn’t even aware that these fears were running her.

Then I asked her: “What would you do if your friend wasn’t here?”

She didn’t even hesitate. “I’d take the earlier flight.”

“Then that’s your answer,” I told her. “Take the flight. And then deal with the feelings of guilt and obligation, because those need tending to as well. Just not at the expense of what you know is right for you.”

After much lamenting,  thankfully she took the flight. (Which ironically got delayed 9 hours, not getting her home until 2am… but that’s another story!)

I know you’ve been there too.

Trapped trying to manage everyone else’s comfort at the expense of your own.

Because — like me, my daughter, my mother and my grandmother — you’ve been conditioned too.

As women, particularly as mothers, we’ve been taught that putting yourself first is selfish.

That love means sacrifice.

That a good woman makes sure everyone else is okay before she tends to herself.

So you do.

You compromise what you need in the name of keeping the peace.

You swallow what you want in the name of not making things awkward.

You rescue everyone else — and call it love.

And here’s what I know to be true  from my own life and from the women I’ve worked with over the years:

You’re not rescuing them.

You’re rescuing yourself.

From appearing difficult.

From choosing yourself and having to sit with what that stirs up in you.

And here’s what that costs you.

Your life force energy. Your full expression. Your aliveness. Your agency. Your voice. Your joy. 

And here is what motivates me the most as a mother.

Our daughters.

Because I know they are watching closely.

They do what we do. Not what we tell them to do.

So this week I invite you to ask yourself:

What am I learning for myself and what am I teaching my daughter about sovereignty?

Because that’s the real generational wealth we need to be talking about.

If you want to start seeing what’s keeping you putting others needs before your own— take my free quiz.

Three minutes. And it might show you something you’ve never let yourself see before.

in trust and gratitude,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher