Who’s Really in the Driver’s Seat When Conflict Hits?
June 14, 2026
Who’s Really in the Driver’s Seat When Conflict Hits?
I was terrified of my two year old.
Not of her exactly.
Of everything I didn’t know how to handle when she fell apart.
She was small. She was stubborn. And her meltdowns were epic.
And every single time one hit — I melted down too.
Because here’s what was actually happening inside me while she was losing it on the bathroom floor:
I was terrified I was being judged — by everyone, including myself.
I was terrified this tantrum would never end.
I was terrified my other kids were getting neglected.
I was terrified of how powerful she felt and how powerless I felt.
I was terrified of not knowing what to do.
I was terrified I was a bad mother.
That’s a lot of fear for a Tuesday afternoon on the bathroom floor.
And here’s what all that fear did.
It made me try to control her.
Stop the tantrum. Change her behavior. Make it stop so I could feel okay again.
And it never worked. Not once.
Because you cannot love someone into stillness from a place of fear.
You cannot parent from survival mode and expect connection.
When fear is running the show — control is the only tool available.
And control creates conflict. Every single time.
My daughter didn’t teach me how to “parent better.”
She taught me how to relate to my fear better.
She was two years old — tiny, fierce, completely herself — and she was holding up a mirror I didn’t know I needed.
Every meltdown was showing me exactly where fear was running the show in me.
Every conflict between us was an invitation I didn’t know how to accept yet.
Not immediately. But in time — I began to see it.
The fear underneath my reaction.
The role I was playing.
The pattern I kept running.
And that awareness — just that — began to change everything.
Because here’s what I’ve come to understand:
The fears that ran the show in that bathroom weren’t new.
They started long before I became a mother.
She was two. But so was the part of me that didn’t know how to handle big feelings — mine or anyone else’s.
We were both just doing the best we could with what we had.
And so are you.
So tell me.
Is there someone in your life who triggers that part of you too?
A child. A partner. A parent. A friend.
Someone who brings out a version of you that makes you feel out of control.
What if it’s not really about them?
What if underneath the conflict, fear is trying to get your attention?
Because chances are, it’s not really about the tantrum.
Or the apple.
Or whatever it was this time.
It never is.
When I started to understand what was really happening in me when conflict hit, all my relationships began to change.
You don’t have to keep losing yourself when conflict hits.
My On Demand Masterclass, Transform Conflict to Connection, walks you through the full arc, from fear to awareness to agency, so you can finally feel calm instead of reactive, connected instead of defensive, and in control of yourself even when things get sticky in your relationships.
It’s $44 and just one click away.
in trust and gratitude,
Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher