Be grateful to the person who triggers you
November 23, 2025
Why You Should Be Grateful for the People Who Trigger You
(Even the ones you don’t really want to see this Thanksgiving)
This time of year can be beautiful… and brutal.
You’re trying to be grateful.
You’re trying to keep the peace.
You want to be in the holiday spirit.
But let’s be honest — there’s always that one person in your family who activates you faster than anyone on the planet.
I know you know exactly who I mean.
Spending time with family during the holidays brings up old patterns, old roles, old wounds, and old versions of yourself you thought you’d outgrown but maybe just in fact, outrun. 😉
And even if you’ve done a mountain of work on yourself, all it takes is being back in your family system to feel ten years old again.
So if you’re heading into gatherings with people you love… but don’t always like… you are not alone.
And here is the thing I want you to remember:
Your family will show you how well you know yourself.
This is the real gift that keeps on giving.
So this year, I want to invite you to try something completely different:
Be grateful for the person who triggers you the most.
I know, I know.
Stay with me.
That person — the one who rolls their eyes, dismisses your feelings, makes passive-aggressive comments, brings out your inner child, or says that thing they always say…
They’re not actually the problem.
They’re the portal.
Because those triggers are actually invitations to develop:
- deeper awareness
- more compassion
- greater personal empowerment
And the very parts of you that get activated, the pleaser, the protector, the avoider, the fighter, the part that shuts down, are showing you exactly where your work is.
This isn’t actually about that family member.
It’s about you.
And if you can stay with yourself long enough to notice what’s happening inside you, you’ll interrupt a lifelong pattern — the very same pattern that shows up in your current relationships and creates disconnection today.
Learning to pause with yourself is the same skill that transforms the way you communicate, love, and stay connected with the people who matter most now.
Let me show you how.
Your 5-Step Guide: How to Use Triggers for Self-Awareness (Instead of Reactivity)
- Notice when you feel triggered.
Before you say a word, pause. Tune into your body.
Pay attention to what’s happening?
- Tight chest?
- Heat rising?
- Fists clenched?
- Jaw tightening?
Look for the clues your body is giving you that you are in fight, flee, freeze..
Your body always tells the truth before your mind does.
- Be aware of the part of you that comes forward.
What shows up first?
- The pleaser?
- The protector?
- The part that shuts down?
- The part that defends?
- The one who wants to fix everything?
This part isn’t bad or wrong, it’s familiar. It’s the part that learned how to survive your family system. Thank that part.
Seeing it is the beginning of choice and empowerment.
- Do nothing. Yes, really.
Pause. Breathe. Stay with yourself.
You do not have to:
- fix anything:
- respond perfectly
- change the other person
- perform the old role
This stillness is the interruption.
This is where you begin to break the pattern.
- Offer yourself compassion.
This is the radical part.
You’ve just done something you’ve likely never done before.
You stayed with yourself instead of abandoning yourself.
This is HUGE, so honor it as such.
Small steps = big transformations.
You are learning to build trust inside your system and that trust is what makes new choices possible.
- Lastly, allow gratitude to arise within.
First, be grateful for you, for the courage it takes to meet yourself honestly instead of collapsing into old roles. Take a moment to see if you can FEEL the gratitude rising within.
Then (and I know this one is a stretch): See if you can pay it forward and find even a tiny bit of gratitude for the person who triggered you.
They have given you a gift, like it or not.
Because without even knowing it, they just revealed the next layer of you that is ready to be healed, softened, or integrated.
To evolve.
Those triggers aren’t here to annoy you. They’re here to help you grow beyond the old limiting roles that no longer serve you — the same roles that quietly disrupt your relationships today.
This is where empowerment and true connection begins.
One final thought for the week ahead.
The holidays can stir up a lot of old wounds, old roles, old dynamics. This is perfectly normal, so don’t despair. This is simply an invitation to prepare.
Because they can also offer you the clearest path back to yourself, if you remain aware.
Your triggers are not the problem.
Your patterns are not the problem.
Your family is not the problem.
They are mirrors.
And when you pause long enough to look with compassion,
you won’t just survive the holidays —
you’ll grow from them.
Now that’s a gift worth giving again and again.
PS: My husband Kim and I are hosting a powerful (no cost) live Masterclass to support you in navigating the holidays with more ease, peace and grace on December 4th.
More details here if you want to secure your spot now.
In the meantime, go gently.
And when the family chaos begins…
remember to say thank you to the parts of you that are waking up.
They’re showing you the way home.
in trust and gratitude,
Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher