Why It’s Important to Embrace Your Judgments
September 28, 2025
So, your partner is late, says something unkind, or forgets to do that thing they promised they’d do and you express that you are upset.
And they reply, “It’s not a big deal, I didn’t mean to…just get over it”?
Nothing enrages me more.
Maybe it was about the dishes in the sink, the forgotten errand, or that sharp tone in their voice.
“Let it go, It’s NOT a big deal!” is often the story.
On the surface, it looks like you’re fighting about something small.
But here’s the truth: it’s rarely about the thing itself.
Those everyday irritations are the tip of an iceberg.
What’s underneath is often much bigger and much deeper and much more important.
It might be:
- A need to feel seen.
- A fear that’s been triggered.
- A layer of shame or hurt that’s been there for years.
When you’re told to “just get over it,” you’re really saying, “your feelings and needs are not important.”
However, ignoring it doesn’t make it disappear. It just drives it underground into the unconscious, where it waits until the next conflict arises.
Bringing your loving attention to your needs is a powerful shift move.
Instead of brushing past the surface, try to get curious about what’s underneath.
Take your time as you
Here’s a simple journaling practice to try. (No fancy setup needed — just pen, paper, and a little quiet.)
Take 5-10 minutes to reconnect with yourself and see what needs are really coming up for you.
Ask yourself:
- What am I really feeling here?
- What need is wanting attention?
- What old story might be getting stirred up?
Because the behavior isn’t the problem. It’s a symptom.
And when you can name what’s underneath, you open the door to understanding, repair, and deeper connection.
It’s not always easy — but it’s always worth it.
in trust and gratitude,
Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher