Anticipation, Expectation and Integration

March 17, 2024

As most of you know, on February 12th I left for 16 days in the Amazon jungle. Along with 5 others we spent a total of 11 nights in the jungle with the Indigenous people of the Sapara and Achuar Communities whose lives are devoted to protecting the rainforest.

It was an incredible experience, to say the least.

In my February 11th blog, I shared about what it was like to let go of it all including my writing to you all. I anticipated that perhaps I would do some writing while I was away, however, I fully expected to share with you my experience in my Sunday, March 3rd newsletter after my February 29th return.

And once again, life had other plans for me.

We returned at 9:30 am, Thursday, February 29th.

I felt a bit like an alien or a zombie landing on a new planet, to be honest.

Ironically, I fully expected to feel like an alien in the jungle – like I was on another planet there, given the extreme contrast to the living conditions I am accustomed to.

However, my experience was quite the opposite. The moment we landed in the jungle, I felt completely at home, relaxed, at ease, and utterly comfortable in my body. My mind instantly calmed.

Almost immediately, I could feel my nervous system recalibrating and responding to the calls and rhythms of nature.

It was impossible not to be at peace in the pace the rainforest offered.

However, upon return my body could simply not match the rhythm of the city. My nervous system felt like molasses, and my body was unwilling to move at the pace of this world.

 I could hear myself thinking, you need to make lunch, take a shower, unpack, and open the mail, but my body simply would not move. 

 Estefania, our gifted and trusted guide, sent us home with wise and tender guidance, reminding us that re-entry and integration should be handled with care.

In an email, she reminded us that “Reentering our fast-paced modern culture may be jarring and upsetting.”

Integration is not a new concept to me, yet this integration was no joke. 

Instantly I could sense that this transition back was going to be different than any other, and my only option was to surrender completely.

And so I did just that.

I spent the next few days honoring the flow of my body, staying off technology, napping, eating, and spending time in front of the fire with my husband and daughter, just listening to music, sitting, and being with no agenda.

I often heard myself think, “You need to write your blog,” and could feel the pull, but once again, my body would not comply.

So it went unwritten, the mail went unopened, the laundry went undone, and the to-do list was ignored.

My husband and I would check in with each other pretty regularly over those first few days, both wondering who would get sucked in first.

On Monday, we both felt the familiar pull of life, the calls of our calendars and obligations creeping into our minds.  

By Friday, 8 days in, I noticed a shift. I was back to more time on my laptop and phone, and Netflix was my reward for a long day at work.

I was aware of my inner critic coming to harass me.

And then I reread Estefania’s email where she offered a reminder to remember Compassion and Patience while integrating back home.

So, back to the basics.

I am letting go of the familiar patterns related to anticipation and expectation and integrating more compassion and patience into my life.

I wonder if you might even notice the vibrational charge in those words as I just did reading that sentence back to myself.

If you are willing to play with me for a moment, I wonder what you might find.

After you read this, close your eyes and take a breath.  

Think about the energy connected to the word anticipation and notice what you feel in the body.

Try the same with the word expectation.

Now try the same with the words compassion and patience.

What do you notice?

I’d be so curious to hear!

Words are sounds that carry energy. All sounds have a natural power through their own frequency. 

Every word we speak and think has a vibrational charge connected to it. It is up to each one of us to take responsibility for what we think and say.

Becoming aware, however, is the key.

Over the 11 days in the jungle, with few distractions, it was easy to clear my mind, recalibrate, resonate with nature, and feel more at peace.

Now I can see that the invitation is to do my best to integrate what I have learned into my life here.

And I am finding that it is not as easy, to say the least.  My “real life” is loaded with responsibilities, distractions, and interruptions.  I am finding it much harder to stay in the zone of clarity and peace than in the remote stillness of the rainforest. 

I remember a quote from years ago, early in my meditation training days:

“Sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day unless you’re too busy. Then you should sit for an hour.”

So I am doing my best.

And I am inviting you to try the same today.

What has your life and your relationships taught you this week about you?  

What lessons have you learned about being in the energy of expectation and anticipation vs. the energy of compassion and patience?

How do those energies feel in your body?

What do you need to do to find the stillness and create the space to align with your highest self?

With you in spirit as I explore these for myself as well.

In trust and gratitude,

Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher