10 Lies that hold you hostage…
July 7, 2024
It’s taken me decades to unravel all the lies I have been taught to believe as a woman and more importantly as a mother. You know the ones. “If you do all the things, life will work out splendidly for one and all.”
Get the best education, Get the right job, make the most money, marry the perfect partner, buy the right house in the right neighborhood, get your kids into the right preschool and they will then rinse and wash, repeat. A true recipe for success! 😉
I spent the first decade of my life as a mother trying to do it the way my culture, family and ego told me I was supposed to do it.
HA! guess what. Nothing worked out the way I was told or believed it was supposed to.
As my marriage began to fall apart, my mind could NOT see any other option other than to fix what was ‘broken’. I believed that divorce was the worst possible outcome for all of us.
Turns out I was really wrong. The worst possible outcome was my resistance to divorce being an equally viable outcome where we all could thrive. Because I was so attached to staying married, I couldn’t see what was truly best for us all. I tried desperately for years to control the sinking ship of my marriage, clinging to my desire for the marriage to succeed and instead caused a ton of drama and suffering along the way.
My resistance to divorce was deeply rooted in my upbringing, like it is for all of us.
20 years later I can see more clearly and understand that, while the fantasy is nice, every relationship is not meant to last forever and that is okay.
When you get attached and rigidly cling to your ego’s agenda you are not free.
But your attachments make sense, because you, like me, have been conditioned by your family (and ancestors) and culture and friends to believe certain things. This is normal, but in order to be free the first step is to become aware of all the beliefs you hold, that hold you back.
Here are some common lies that the culture feeds you, which can create unnecessary stress and prevent you from being free to live authentically :
- You Believe You Must Always Be Productive: The idea that your worth is tied to how much you accomplish and that taking time to rest is lazy or unproductive.😬
- Success Means Having More: The belief that success is measured by material possessions, wealth, and status, rather than by personal fulfillment and happiness.
- You Need to Keep Up with Others: The pressure to compare yourself to others and to constantly strive to be better, faster, or more accomplished than those around you. 😫
- Perfection is Achievable: The unrealistic standard that you must always look perfect, act perfectly, and have a perfect life, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and constant striving. 👌🏼
- Hustle Culture is the Only Way: The notion that to succeed, you must work excessively hard, often at the expense of your health, relationships, and personal well-being. 🐝
- Your Value is in Your Appearance: The harmful message that your worth is primarily based on your physical appearance and adherence to societal beauty standards. 🫅🏼
- Busyness Equals Importance: The misconception that being busy means you are important and successful, which can lead to chronic stress and burnout. 📅
- You Should Avoid Failure at All Costs: The fear of failure, which can prevent you from taking risks, trying new things, and growing as an individual. 😰
- You Must Always Say Yes: The pressure to always be agreeable and accommodating, even at the expense of your own needs and boundaries. 🙇🏻♀️
- Happiness is External: The belief that happiness is something that comes from external achievements and possessions, rather than from within.
These lies trap you in a cycle of fear and stress, making it difficult to connect with your true self and live authentically. By recognizing and rejecting these as lies, you become free to cultivate a life that is more aligned with your authentic values and true desires.
Which one of these resonates the most with you? Play a quick game and rank the above list for yourself and see which ones have the strongest hold on you. I know in your logical mind you understand the above ‘lies’ are not true, but look under the hood and get radically honest with yourself. These pesky little lies, lie deep beneath the surface where you might not be so aware of them. Let each one simmer a bit and see if you can find the parts of yourself that may still be attached to believing them.
Because remember, true freedom always begins with awareness and if you are not free, no one in your family is free.
in trust and gratitude,
Annmarie Chereso
Author, Speaker, Coach, & Meditation Teacher
Annmarie has created a profound learning experience. She shares vulnerably and authenticity, and generously from her own life and her laser-sharp coaching creates an ideal learning environment. I would highly recommend Annmarie for anyone who wants to deepen your understanding of yourself and enhance your relationship with your kids and just about everyone else in your life.’
MEAGAN SMITH HRLE